Under a starry sky
by aria28
Summary: She mused offhandedly that it was the first time in two years that she was looking at the sky and really seeing it, the veil of her grief finally lifted from before her eyes. BalflearxAshe.


**Rating**: K+/T. I don't think there's anything offending or even remotely disturbing in this one. K+ is only for suggestion of romance, but there's really nothing graphic at all.

**Pairings**: slight Balflear x Ashe, cast

**Spoilers**: up to and including the events at the Pharos of Ridorana.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own any of the characters or places mentioned in this story, I just like to torture, er, play with them for fun

**Thanks**: to** Shikhee** who's saved me from a lot of embarrassment by beta-reading this. And who would deserve my thanks just for being herself, namely an insanely nice and generous person (and an extremely talented writer to boot - just check her fics if you haven't already).

**Note**: This is a one shot scene of what could have happened after they destroyed the Sun-Cryst. I finished this stage of the game pretty shaken and have always been wondering, from the first time I went through it back in May, what could be the state of mind of everyone given what had happened. Also, I have always be interested by Ashe's evolution throughout the game, and her finally being able to leave the ghost of Rasler behind is really something of first importance in the story. Unforunately, the impact of that event is never fully explored since the interaction scenes between the characters at this point are few.

This scene, and others, had been in my mind for months now, but it's all _Katmillia_'s fault if I finally decided to post this one. For one, she writes the most amazing Balflear (I'd be happy if I could write him half as well. Or if I could write half as well as her, period). Second, she got me highly frustrated by not continuing her own Steal Me Arc. I was wondering how her take on this part of the game would compare to what I had in mind. Hopefully we'll know one day :p

* * *

Against all odds, they had made it out in one piece. 

Ashe started to step down the ramp of the Strahl leading to a glade just outside Balfonheim where they had chosen to stop for the night; after the events of the day, everyone felt like staying away from the inquiring gazes of the crowds.

She stood there half-way, looking above her, basking in the soft breeze and soothed by the hushed swirl of the sea in the distance. It was already dusk. The first stars were beginning to pierce the dark blue coat of night the sky was putting on, and she mused off-handedly that it was the first time in two years that she was really seeing it, the veil of her grief and sorrow finally lifted from before her eyes.

She felt someone approach from behind, then a firm hand on her shoulder. She turned her head halfway to recognize Basch's solid form, even if she couldn't see his face as he was standing against the light coming from the inside of the Strahl. She smiled. Long gone were the days, right after they had met again on the Leviathan, when his simple presence was making her ill at ease - someone she had grown accustomed to trust, and whom part of her wanted to believe when he was claiming that he hadn't had a part in her father's demise. But she couldn't let herself trust him at the time, not after all the deceptions that had paved her way since her husband's death. She had shunned him for a while, before the obvious was starring her in the face and she could do nothing but have faith in him again.

He withdrew his hand and walked down until he was level with her, then looked up at the infinite horizon before them. They remained silent for a while, just enjoying their peaceful surroundings and the complicity they found in each other's presence. In the end though he sighed and she was surprised that he was the one to break it, nodding in the direction of Penelo on their right who was obviously having trouble with her tent.

"I will help with our sleeping arrangements," he said, somewhat amused. Then, more seriously, "You should rest, your Highness, the day has been a very long one, for you maybe more than for any of us."

"Tired I am," she nodded, "yet I also feel like I am truly here for the first time, as if it had all been a dream and I have only just woken up. As if..." she lowered her head, a wry smile on her lips. "I am not making much sense, I am?"

"You do make sense. So many things have been hidden from us, until now. For the first time in two years, my path is clearly set before me."

There was a short pause before he added hurriedly, "From the moment we found you again, I always knew where my duty lies, but to which purpose..." he trailed.

"Vengeance for the dead, or peace for the living." He gave her a clip nod. "I wanted to believe I could have both. I kept dreaming for too long. Maybe if I had awaken sooner..." her stare drifted in the distance, lost in memories, but he was quick to reassure her.

"You did what you could, and today you acted like a queen would. You should have no regret."

She turned back to him, an easy smile once again playing on her lips; but her eyes were shining with gratitude. She opened her mouth to speak when a thud was heard where Penelo had been trying to set up the tent for the past twenty minutes. Basch let out a short laugh and started to walk down until Ashe called, "Basch? Thank you. For everything." There was a wealth of meaning behind these simple words and Basch looked back at her to let her see that he had understood it before heading towards Penelo.

She had gone all the way down the ramp and was now taking in everything around her, until she spotted Vaan sitting on a lone crate, his shoulders slightly slumped. It was unusual of him to be so quiet and on his own, and Ashe had a good idea why. She strolled towards him until she was standing by his side. She knew he would say something eventually and so waited him out. He didn't make her wait long.

"I still see Reddas running towards the Sun-Cryst, then all this light..." she couldn't clearly see his eyes, but he had the raspy voice of someone who had cried not long ago. He sniffled then laughed derisively. "Weird, huh? I barely knew him, and here I am, getting all worked up about it."

"Reddas' action is not one that can easily be forgotten. And it is as it should be, for he saved a lot of lives today...including yours and mine." She murmured then, as if it was meant for his ears, and his alone : "Being the one who survives is never easy, I know. It keeps haunting you."

Vaan looked up at her, then set his gaze far away, where you could faintly distinguish the meeting of the sea and the sky, just before night would make them indiscernible. He seemed to think about something for a while before his next question.

"Do you think he did it for us? Or do you believe he wanted... you know," Vaan gulped audibly, the words obviously difficult for him. "Or do you think he... wanted to die?"

Vaan was more distressed by his death than she had first figured. It pained her to see him like that, so far away from his care-free self, a quality she had envied him on more than one occasion, so she thought her next words carefully, deliberately pushing aside her own saddness at her recollection of the afternoon.

"I believe... that he didn't want to live with the burden of Nabudis anymore. There is no doubt that it could have happened to anyone from the moment they tested nethicite aboard their ships, and they would not necessarily have felt compelled to atone for it with their own life... Maybe, maybe he didn't find anything that would dull the grief, that would anchor him in this world." She turned to face him and added, "Vaan, I believe there was nothing you could have done or said that could have changed his mind. He had been looking for a way to atone for the past two years, and for him this was the chance he had been waiting for all this time. And he made us the most precious gift, a chance to keep on living." She was standing tall and proud now, her chin high. "And I want to enjoy it. I want to live on, my duty to him to ensure he is remembered for the eras to come for this last act of bravery."

Her eyes settled on him once again. His eyes were shining, but it wasn't tears - it was determination "I know I want to live, too. I want to live to see Dalmasca free again, and to see you become queen." She couldn't help but smile widely at that; his returned enthusiasm was highly contagious. "And I surely want to live to become a sky pirate on my own rights."

"What about me?" Penelo's cheerful voice rang loud and clear above their shoulders, and they looked on their right to see her approaching, Basch in tow. She stopped before Vaan, her fists on her hips. "I hope you're not planning to leave me behind again when you're off on one of your big adventures."

"Again? You're here with us, aren't you?"

"Not thanks to you!" she pouted "It was Fran who brought me with her when you were getting ready to fly away without giving me a second thought."

"I didn't want to ask them to take you with us because I knew it would be dangerous."

Ashe rolled her eyes at the pair, but was happy that Vaan's spirits had lifted.

It was then she caught movement from the corner of her eyes: Fran had finally emerged from the Strahl and walked away before stopping. She was standing there motionless, her eyes never leaving a secluded spot of the beach. Ashe was suprised that the Viera had emerged alone; she had thought that Balflear had been working on the Strahl with her for the most part since they had landed.

"That's my point, precisely. It's too dangerous to travel on your own. You would still be in Nalbina's dungeons if it wasn't for Balflear, and he won't always be around." she chidded him, her arms crossed on her chest, proud she had made her point. Vaan looked up to the skies and sighed in exasperation. Ashe met Basch's eyes and they grinned at their antics before she turned around and started to walk away slowly.

She strolled unhurriedly until she joined Fran at the edge of a grove. This time, it was she who spoke first:

"How are you feeling now?"

"Much better, thank you." Fran paused. "I'm sorry I wasn't of much help there."

Ashe shook her head and looked up at the taller woman, offering her a reassuring smile. "Do not worry about that. You are fine now, and that's all that matters."

Fran nodded once and they fell into companionable silence for a while. Fran had always been an ocean of calm, but her silences used to make Ashe uncomfortable. She couldn't say if it was because she had learned to know her better, or because she herself had changed, but they didn't make her anxious anymore; on the contrary she savored the peace for a while.

Several minutes passed until she bit her lower lip slightly. She was unwilling to break the quietude, but curiosity got the better of her. She opened her mouth, hesitating a moment before taking the plunge.

"I thought Balflear had been working with you on the Strahl, but I didn't see him coming out with you and everything seems quiet there."

"He didn't stay long. He left about an hour ago." She gestured towards the spot her eyes had barely left while she had been standing there. "He didn't say a word."

Ashe turned completely to face Fran. "You sound worried."

"He didn't say a word, but his body language never lies. What happened with his father has deeply affected him, even if he's good at hiding it." A sad smile appeared on Fran's lips, and Ashe began to understand that it was probably not the first time she had seen him hiding his hurt. She chewed on that for a while before speaking again.

"Fran...may I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"You are his best friend, and one of the people closest to him. In fact," she continued, never leaving the Viera's face, "now with his father gone, you probably are the person who knows him best. And you obviously care for him." She was beginning to worry that she would upset Fran, but she was genuinely confused. "I don't understand. Why aren't you..."

"With him?" She finished for her, almost harshly. For a second, Ashe thought that she had gone too far and tried to think of words of apology, but Fran beat her to it. She sighed deeply and relaxed her whole demeanour, looking Ashe in the eyes for the first time that night.

"I wish I could do something to help him through this. I really do. It's just...all this about his father, I understand it. But we Vieras don't grow up with a father, or a mother for that matter. We are raised by the Wood. Although we love her and fear her, in a fashion, not unlike Humes love and fear their parents, it is very much a different relation.

"So," she continued, once again facing the shore "I do understand what he is going through. But I can't really relate to it, and I know there are no words of comfort I could find. This is why I don't go." Ashe prepared to say something but Fran hadn't finished her sentence, and what she added left her speachless.

"And this is why you should."

At first Ashe was so shocked that she thought she must have understood wrong. Strangely though, the surprise passed, and instead of confusion, it was an odd sense of serenity that began to grow in her. She took a few steps, stopped just long enough to turn towards Fran and nod once, before continuing towards the beach.

Fran kept watching until Ashe disappeared behind the trees that had been concealing Balflear all this time. Then she turned and headed back to the camp, perplexed at her own feelings, contentment warring with a sense of loss she didn't want to look into yet, if ever.

* * *

He was standing there, not unlike that time at Phon Coast when she first learned about his ties with Cid. But it had been in broad daylight, and he had been doing most of the talking. She was only ten feet away now, and all she could distinguish was this tall, slender figure whose outlines were barely illuminated by moonlight. She hadn't tried to hide her presence from him, and she had no doubt he knew someone was there, but he didn't turn or acknowledge her in any other way. 

The full moon finally emerged from behind a lonely cloud and once again she could clearly see the scene right before her. Had she been in the same position just a couple of days ago, she had no doubt she would have run away, not knowing what how to behave and embarrassed. But this was now, and everything had changed.

She stopped a couple of feet behind him. "Fran told me I'd find you here."

Then she just waited. Almost a minute had passed before he spoke, and the familiar smirk was in his voice; but his heart clearly wasn't, and it sounded hollow: "Don't worry, I'm fine."

At that she walked passed him and turned to face him. He must not have expected it of her, as he showed a slight curiosity at her sudden movement. She didn't let him have time to think and pressed on to her advantage. "You're fine?" she arched an eyebrow, a hint of sarcasm in her voice and an expression akin to amusement dawning on her face. "You have fled the Judges, fled your country, have become a sky pirate, an outlaw, always on the move; and then you've followed us through everything." She gestured with her arms around her. She didn't even take the time to catch her breath. "Sure, you wanted your freedom back. And I have no doubt you were hoping to get your hands on the famed treasure of Raithwall's Tomb when you first agreed to take me there. But more than anything, all this time, you were hoping to find a way to lure Cid out of his trance. You were hoping you'd find a way to get your father back. All this time...and you want me to believe that what happened today is "fine." I'm sorry," she crossed her arms for emphasis. "but I don't!"

For the first time since she had met him he looked downright startled. Whether it was because of her words or because he had never heard her talk like that, confident and strong and finally rid of the veil of saddness that had permeated everything she was during two years, she didn't know. For a fleeting moment he had even looked genuinely lost, and she had almost wanted to apologize. But she needed to break through his defenses and let him unload part of his emotions, however he would. She knew too well where buried grief could take someone.

Facing the sea now, she spoke again. The sarcasm was gone, replaced by a softness that sounded odd, even to her own ears, a sound she thought had been relegated in the past, but the firm resolve was still there. "I've lost a father, too, not so long ago. I remember perfectly how it feels."

"But your father wasn't a man hated by most, nor someone who betrayed and used his own child." She wasn't looking directly at him but she saw his clenched fists, and he wasn't making any effort to hide the strain from his voice now.

"Not in the same way. But my father forced me into a marriage I wasn't prepared for, for the good of the country. I was told just after I had lost the last of my brothers to illness. I was sixteen, Balflear. Sixteen and terrified, and I resented him until I finally could meet the husband he had chosen for me. Besides, he was king, and therefore had decisions to make, some which didn't sit well with many people, be they Dalmascan citizens or foreign leaders. I think he was still loved by the greater part of his people, but even if that hadn't been the case, even if my marriage had tourned sour, the fact remains that he would still have been my father." She paused before adding, "It would still have been the very man who had watched over me all those years, who had loved me like only a father could." She finished in a whisper, like talking to herself.

"But even the love of a father sometimes isn't enough, is it?" She whirled around, and it must have been obvious she was trying to figure out his comment, for he continued. "Despite everything I have done or told him, he grew to love the stones more than his only son." His face and voice weren't betraying his emotions now, but she didn't need them to anymore, and they both knew it: his words were clear as day and he was looking at her intently, waiting for her answer.

She didn't disappoint. "Your father wasn't manipulated by a mere Hume, but by a god. You cannot... probably nothing in this world would have been strong enough to fight it."

"But you did. The gods also wanted to manipulate you, but you resisted them in the end. Even though you had very good reasons to follow their lead. He... he didn't even show signs that he was trying to fight it." He wasn't accusing, merely dejected.

Ashe looked away, and for the first time since their conversation had started, she hesitated. She had wanted to tell him that it was because of him, and all the others, because of their constant support and friendship that she hadn't fall prey to the schemes of the gods, but that would only have made him feel guilty of not staying by his father's side. She took a deep breath, hoping her next words would be the right ones. "You father was a man of science. He was curious, and wanted to discover things by himself. And what was it that he said at Archades? The history back in the hands of men. Those are not the words of a madman--quite the contrary. In a sense, this is precisely what we have done by destroying the Sun-Cryst."

She saw him sitting down next to her in the sand, and she did the same before continuing. "His intentions were good. That is probably one more reason why he didn't heed your words of caution until it was too late."

Balflear was gazing at his palms turned upwards, small grains of sand twinkling all over them. "Whatever his intentions, it is the destructive madness that everyone will remember of him. Even my own good memories of him are so far gone that I easily forget them." Anyone else would have said this dramatically, but he was merely stating a fact, very much like he had at Phon Coast and this is what was getting to her the most.

Carefully chosen words flew out of the window. Instinctively, she palmed his cheek and turned his head until he would look at her: "Balflear, you carry within you everything that was ever good about your father. Never forget it."

She was sitting there so close, and it was like he was seeing her for the first time. Or rather, like he was seeing this part of her for the first time. Even when she had been smiling, it would never quite reach her eyes, and the weight of her sorrow had always been there. But here she was talking to him, serene. The steel of her will was still very much written all over her, and her eyes betrayed the fact that she had gone through more than any 19 year-old-young woman should have. But the desperation was gone, replaced by a softness he had barely seen glimpses of, until now. It was probably how her father and her husband had always seen her, he mused, before grief and sorrow struck their house.

He didn't know why he did it, and guessed that he probably never would be able to explain his next move, even to himself. Maybe he was truly exhausted, maybe he was emotionally overloaded; he didn't think it was love, although maybe, just maybe, his feelings for her had shifted without him noticing. Maybe it was all that and more. But there she was looking at him so softly, so openly, and she was now sitting so close that, without thinking, he lowered his face to kiss her.

Her hand never left his cheek, but at the last moment, just as his lips were descending on hers, she turned her face just so slightly and his lips finally trailed on her cheek, leaving a feathering kiss there. Her hand finally let go of his face and he thought that she would pull back. But instead she surprised him again by embracing him, her head on his shoulder. He heard her whisper, "I'm sorry, I can't." She tightened her embrace, almost hiding her face in his shoulder now. "Not yet."

He smiled almost despite himself and squeezed her back to let her know that he understood her words as she had meant them - that she wasn't rejecting him, but that getting rid of her ghosts was one thing; being able to move on was another.

He looked up at the sky: the moon was hidden again by a cloud, but never the stars had shown more brightly. He felt Ashe turn in his arms; she studied him before following his gaze, both content to spend the brief respite in their life in each other's company.


End file.
